Fundamentals With Phoenix: How to Train Your Human

Lesson 4: Baby Got Back

Quarter Horse, Thoroughbred, Mustang, Akhal-Teke, Spotted Saddle Horse … no matter our breeding, we all of share the same super power and when it’s fully locked into position, it’s an unmatched force for a human. I’m talking about our hindquarters. It’s where all of our power comes from, and we don’t have to be built like Diez (thank god!) to tap into it. This week’s lesson is about using your derrière to intimidate your human.

Think of the naughtiest behaviors you can do – bucking, rearing, bolting … I’m talking about the really bad ones; the ones that land your human in the emergency room. Getting your hindquarters squarely underneath you in a power position is the key to executing every single one of them. When you’re in full power mode, there isn’t a human who can match you. However, without your hindquarters locked and loaded, it’s impossible to gather the strength needed to pull each one off.

I can already hear the lesser ambitious amongst us grumbling. “That’s all good and well, Phoenix, but bucking, rearing, bolting … those all require some serious effort.” Your contempt of sweating is respected, but the results I’m promising you do require some effort on your part. In most cases, pulling one of these antics just once will be enough to keep your human away. If you’ve got the right human, just getting into position and acting as if you’re going to go berserko will have them waving the surrender flag and leaving you at peace.

If you remember nothing else, remember this: As long as you can get your hind end planted firmly underneath you, the world is yours. And by world, I mean the pasture.

Be suspicious of the humans who have learned the Fundamentals Series groundwork exercises Yielding the Hindquarters Stage One and Stage Two. These humans are easy to spot but hard to escape. They’ll approach you with a zeal in their eyes, firmly fixated on your rump. At first, it’ll just be weird and will likely make you feel self-conscious. Like, what are you looking at Betty? Is there a manure stain on my bum? Then, after you’ve made eye contact, looked away, gone about your business and realized they’re still staring at you, it’ll turn super awkward. Before you know it, you won’t be able to take the growing creep factor and will think of nothing else but to swing your hindquarters away from that look. And that’s what the humans want. You must resist!

Your human will be taught in the Yielding the Hindquarters exercises that having the ability to disengage your hindquarters will ensure that you’re not able to do any dangerous behavior. Say goodbye to rearing, bucking and attempting to run over the top of your human. Stage One is focused on getting you used to the idea of moving your hindquarters away from your human when they give you that look and apply pressure. Once they’ve got you convinced of doing that, then they up the ante with Stage Two in which they ask for a more immediate response. Clinton likes to refer to this little number as a military salute or a yes, sir response … yeah, you read that right.

You’ll see exactly what I mean in this short video tip I got Clinton to put together. Fair warning: My goal as always was to play along and be a “good horse” for coaching purposes, but my attitude got the best of me and I slipped up a few times. But, really, how could I resist?

Stay Sassy & Free,
Phoenix